Hold Your Peace.

Something that is big to me is wedding vows. We didn’t write our own (although I love when people write their own, I totally cry every time). For the reasons that, I was so nervous and excited that I knew I would need to just repeat after the pastor and the tradition vows I think say exactly what needs to be said.
Today, and actually the past few months I’ve been thinking of wedding vows. And I have been thinking of family. It could be my brothers wedding that is bringing up thoughts and memories or it could just be that I’m hurt from the broken vows on my side of the family.
When Caleb and I got married, he also married my family and I his family. His parents became my parents and my parents became his parents. We became one in Christ which means we take each other’s families as our own.
I feel very accepted into my new family. I feel like I can be myself and rely and trust my new family. I feel like they would fight for me and that they would fight for my marriage. They would fight for the vow we made in Christ and in front of all our family and friends.
But why is that not happening in today’s culture? Why are we not fighting for marriage? Why when things get hard to people they find a way out? This very much angers me!
My marriage is not perfect. I learn every day what I can do or should do to be better. I feel like I can only do more to be a Proverbs 31 wife, which is my goal. I’m not perfect and I’m very thankful Caleb has patience and accepts my flaws and puts up with my craziness.
And although my marriage isn’t perfect, it is good! It’s awesome, it’s fun, it’s nice, it’s real, and it’s also hard! But here’s the deal….. I won’t leave when it’s hard.
Marriage is hard. Of course it’s hard! Marriage is of God and what does Satan want? To destroy all of Gods beautiful and holy creations. God made marriage and designed it to be beautiful and a way to draw closer to God. It’s at the top of Satans list to tear down, put in temptations and lies and ultimately leave the marriage in devastation. And that’s why we need to be rooted in God and learn how to communicate better and be selfless always.
But just because something’s hard… Doesn’t mean you get to peace out on your vows.
Alright… So it’s this huge trend now days to peace out on your vows. See ya later through sickness and health. Hasta la vista through tough times and great times. Who cares about richer and poorer, because let’s be real if you’re going to get divorced you better have some money or you’re going to be poor….
But what about our family? The ones that watched us say our vows. The ones that should be championing us in the dark times of marriage. In the hurt and brokenness. In the times we can’t stop crying over something. Where is the family to encourage us and take their new daughter or new son and pray for them and still love them. Why do the families peace out also?
I’m actually really hurt by this! Watching my parents has been tough, but watching my extended family has made my blood boil.
Why are families so quick to take sides and play games off what one person says? Why are families so quick to cheer on the word divorce instead of encourage the words love and marriage?
I could really go on about this subject and talk your ear off, but instead I’ll leave you with my heart.
If you are a family member of a couple that’s having a hard time, please encourage them. Please love them. Please be the bigger person and take each of them individually, and love on them. Don’t say spiteful things about the others, and if there is children involved take an extra minute before you speak and remember that it doesn’t matter the age of the kids, they don’t want to hear negative things about their parents.
Be awesome family and friends. When you witness those wedding vows, if you didn’t speak when the pastor said, “speak now or forever hold your peace”, then you FOREVER HOLDYOUR PEACE. It’s not your place to speak, it’s your place to pray and encourage and love.
Together we can prove that 50% of marriages don’t end in divorce. We just really need community to come around and speak wisdom and truth into us. Hold us accountable. Celebrate in victories and hold our hands in trials.
And if you happen to be one of my family and friends that have done this, just be aware for the future. If another marriage you see is falling apart, come along side them and run with them in encouragement and love. Don’t consistently push the word divorce and the idea that life is so much better single. From my view it’s not. Let’s allow God to bring beauty from ashes. I mean, what would Jesus do?
XOXO kymberly
This was not written for those men and women that are in abusive relationships or a marriage that if you feel scared or unsafe. For anyone in that spot I encourage you talk to your pastor and seek guidance. This was written from my personal story and heart. For those that just “aren’t in love anymore”.

Helpless.

Have you ever felt so Helpless in life? That there is nothing you can do to fix a situation or problem? You can’t lift up a person and make them feel better, you can’t answer your best friends, “why did this happen to me” question, you can’t make the hurt go away, you’re helpless.

The last few weeks I have felt Helpless.

It’s not the first time I have felt Helpless.

I felt Helpless when I found out about sex trafficking and all the humans in slavery.
I felt Helpless when I watched the love of my life fly off in an emergency helicopter.
I felt Helpless when he was laying in a hospital bed with a tube in his brain.
I felt Helpless when he wasn’t awake yet after having major brain surgery.
I felt Helpless when he realized he was paralyzed on one side of his body.
I felt Helpless when my best friends dad committed suicide.
I felt Helpless when I couldn’t take away her pain.
I felt Helpless when I didn’t even have words to comfort her.
I felt Helpless when my dad left my family.
I felt Helpless when my entire family fell apart.
I felt Helpless when Nathan started teething and his painful cry hurt my heart.
I felt Helpless when Nathan got his first fever and I could only give him Tylenol.
I felt Helpless when Nathan got crazy hives.

This season of feeling Helpless is a little different.

I have been reminded that I’m not Helpless.

It might sound super silly and super easy, but its the small reminder that I have Christ Jesus living inside me. Although I may not be able to take away the pain of someone I love and I may not have the correct words and answers, I do have Jesus, and Jesus can do ALL things.

This was a good reminder tonight.

I was thinking of my current situation and what I could do to fix it. Then I came across the verse,

“The LORD hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles.”
Psalm 34:17 NLT

That got me thinking of how I have been responding to feeling Helpless. I have this routine when I start to feel Helpless.

First I panic for a hot minute and then go in a little spiral downward because I am not in control of the situation. I can’t do anything, so I try to find out if that is true and what I can do.
So second I pray and give it to Jesus, but more prayers is better than one prayer, so I then need to ask my friends and family to pray for it also.
Then lastly, I try to find out what God wants me to do in the situation. I want him to use me right away so the problem or situation can be fixed as soon as possible. Lets get back to the normal swing of life and not have a feeling of Helplessness over us.

(Yes I know my process is not awesome and it is something I am working on personally. Not to panic and worry and instead be calm.)

But this verse made me sit back.
God works in people when they are at a low. He teaches when people are sad, mad, frustrated, depressed, lonely, unsure, confused, and hurt. He is able to come in and give them a hug and really show his nurturing fatherly heart.

Who am I to try and rush his process?
I don’t know what he wants to teach in these moments of Helplessness. I don’t know what my friends and family really need to hear. I don’t know when someone should be sick and when someone should be healed. I don’t know a lot of things. And lets be real, I like having control and I like knowing things.

So what I learned or was reminded tonight was that life is a journey. We all have a story and we all have hard times. We might not know what the person sitting next to us is feeling, or the man in front of us in the line at Target is going through right now, but God does. And he is in control and he knows all things.
Praying IS enough. And my prayer is heard. My timing of when my answer should arrive is not the same of Gods timing, and I need to remember thats okay. I don’t need to be a frazzled stress ball pacing down my hall way.

“I cried out to the LORD, and he answered me from his holy mountain.”

Psalm 3:4 NLT
Tonight I was feeling very Helpless. I journaled and wrote out prayers and listened to Hillsong United. I want these trails to go away. I want these hours of hurt and heartache to pass quickly. I was reminded that God knows what he’s doing. He hears me. He sees me. He knows the desires my heart and what I would like him to do. But I only see this puzzle piece, and I have no idea where this puzzel piece fits into his grand puzzle masterpiece.

Wherever life has you right now, I hope it’s on a high with lots of laughter and love, but if it’s not and you’re feeling Helpless, know you don’t have to be. God has you. He has a plan for what is going on. Boy do I wish I had the answers for you, but thankfully our ALL KNOWING GOD does. He hears your prayers friend! He sees you! He won’t abandon you!

XOXO kymberly
Helpless image from “oferwolberger.com”
Verse image from Bible App, lifechurch.tv