A Fresh View 

  
I don’t want to start this post with my negative feelings about pregnancy, but I really don’t know how else to start it so,  

I don’t like being pregnant but, 

I love being a mom. But,

I don’t think I’m good at pregnancy but,

I deeply wanted to be pregnant both times. My heart deeply ached for children and noticed every pregnant woman around and newborn babies! 

My favorite part of pregnancy with Nathan was labor! If you know me, you know how true that really is! My contractions started at 12:00am, we got to the hospital at 6:00am, and I had him at 6:26pm. Best day of my life and pregnancy! 

Ya there was pain in labor, but compaired to the 40 weeks of anxiety, uncomfortableness and worry, that pain was so over looked! I got so many compliments on how I was tolerating the pain and how relaxed I was in labor. Seriously that was due to years of TERRIBLE menstral cramps and the light at the end of this 40 week tunnel. 

One of my biggest weaknesses is anxiety. One of the scariest topics for me is health. 

This stems from a lot of things in childhood all the way to my dating years with Caleb and his brain tumor. 

When I am pregnant, I don’t know what’s going on with my baby inside me. I don’t know if it’s healthy, I don’t know if something’s wrong, I don’t know anything. And my love for this human makes me only want to do my best for it, and I don’t know how. 

When I’m pregnant I feel crazy. I feel overly tired. I feel lots of things I don’t like to feel. I live for the kicks and movements to let me know there is still a heartbeat happening. 

I was scrolling on Pintrest and found this picture and quote I posted at the top. 

“Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.” -Erma Bombeck

I was completely stopped in my tracks (or scrolling at this moment).  

I’ve heard so many amazing women in my life share how they love being pregnant and the greatness in it, the beauty in it, and I just smile. 

I see my body this way. My stretch marks, and my moved hips, the weight I have, are all signs I made a baby! I’m so proud of my body and love it way more now then I did when I was a size 2! I was in no hurry to lose baby weight. I didn’t exercise really at all after Nathan. I lived for naps with him and cuddles. I videoed probably his first three months haha. When was there time to work out that wouldn’t take away time from him being a baby? I couldn’t miss any moments of his first year! So we went on walks and jogs and that was about it. But I love my body now! It has done so much and provided me with an amazing gift from God!

But, 

I didn’t feel that way about actually being pregnant. Or even being pregnant today. 

It truly is the worry and anxiety I have of the unknown. 

So then I go into Faith in this topic. Oh the meaning of Faith to me right now has huge weight. Faith is believing in the unseen. 

As “A Walk to Rememeber” says, “[it’s] like the wind, I can’t see it, but I can feel it”. What a great movie. 

Where is my faith?! God has this baby! I can feel her, but I can’t see her. 

Then this quote I read on Pintrest just slapped me in the face! Pregnancy and Childbirth is a huge deal! If you have never been pregnant or pushed a baby out, then hug your mom and thank her and believe me that it’s a big deal! 

The concept of becoming pregnant and what happens in pregnancy and how a baby grows from cells to 8 pounds in 40 weeks is remarkable! How could you not believe in God after seeing a miracle of a baby!

I am 20 weeks pregnant right now, and although I don’t LOVE my energy gone, random cravings, random pains, and peeing every five seconds, I am really going to try to remember that I am assisting God in a miracle, and I have the honor to grow a human. 

I just need this fresh view and fresh perspective in my sight! 

xoxo kymberly 

 

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