40 Weeks & Discouraged. 

I’ve done this before. Carried a baby for 40 weeks, contractions started, pushing started, baby born. 

God made our bodies as women to know what to do in labor. I know every woman is different, and our bodies are different, and some of us can’t have babies, or our bodies don’t handle labor well. For you, I’m praying for you because I do not have those struggles. I’m talking more in the broad generalization that babies are born every minute, and those mothering bodies know when it’s time to push, when it’s time to contract, and when the baby is out and it’s over. It blows my mind! 

I had no idea how to push when I was in labor, my body took the lead and I followed. I was so amazed by my body that I love my after baby body better than my pre-baby body. 

But I sit here discouraged. 

For over two weeks I have been dilated and effaced, but neither of the numbers are getting bigger that show labor is going to be here. 

I am having horrible symptoms. A couple days ago I got a migraine that took most of my vision for over an hour. I am in a lot of pain most of the day that makes me not want to do anything but lay down. Then at night I can’t sleep, and when I do fall asleep, I get a max 3-4 hours. 

Then add a couple more normal symptoms like heartburn, swelling and living in 113 degree heat with air conditioner that doesn’t work, and you have a not so happy me. 

I am so thankful I don’t have a job outside of the home I need to be present for or that I’m not in school having to study or write a paper. 

I do however have a two year old that is my responsibility every day. I can’t take care of him to my best ability when I can’t see or when my head is pounding. I feel terrible. I feel like a bad mom. I can’t grow a baby and take care of the one I have? 

Why has my body done this pregnancy thing before, and now seems to be stuck on the same numbers? What’s going on here? 

I’m okay with having a baby late, she needs more time, then she needs more time. It’s the pain and symptoms with a toddler that are super hard on me. 

I’m really trying to be positive, or find good moments in the frustration. But truth is I’m discouraged and sleep deprived. 

Have you been in my shoes? 

I’m curious when she’s going to come. When her birthday will be. 

What she is going to look like. 

Until then I’m going to hold on to the truth that God promised me and a friend today shared with me,

God knows what’s going on with my body. I shall not be discouraged. He knows the end and how my body will deliver this baby! I shall hold on tightly to this truth. 

xoxo kymberly


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