What did you Learn Today?

Everyday, all day, I repeat myself. 

By the end of the night I’m so tired of talking. 

Today I told Nathan to “wait” and was trying to teach him that he can’t have something right then and there. (Well actually everyday I’m teaching this.)

He is a child that has to get his thoughts out though. You can’t tell him to not interrupt when others are talking because to him, he has the most important thing to say and has to be heard out right that second. 

It’s pretty challenging for me to try and teach him to wait his turn when it comes to talking. 

Then I learned today…. I’m like that. 

Now I’m very aware that my son is my husbands physical clone but my personality clone. It’s actually really funny how he acts exactly like me but looks exactly like his dad! 

Another reason why so many things are challenging to teach him, he’s just like me and I realize I’m needing to change my behavior to set the example for him. But that’s a different post. 

Today I learned that I don’t like the waiting…

I mean who likes to wait? 

I just didn’t think of it in the context of praying. 

I pray for something to change and am just waiting for it to happen right then or at least before I go to bed. Sometimes I’m praying like I have the most important request and I need it answered right then. I can’t wait. I have the most important prayer (which is silly looking at it that way). 

But…. What’s happening in the time that God has me waiting? Why doesn’t he answer my prayer request right then? 

I learned that I need to soak in what he is doing in the waiting time. What he’s teaching me and what I could be learning. And then I thought… “how many times has God repeated himself to me? And asked me to wait?” It blows my mind his patience level he has! 


 xoxo

kymberly 

A Time Forever Stamped In My Heart. 

I was very blessed this past week with a super thoughtful gift… an iPad. 

When I opened the gift, I cried. 

I was then told I had to open the plastic on the box and actually take the iPad out and look at it. 

It’s engraved with my name and Peyton’s name. It also contains her birth stats. 

Peyton’s birth story is crazy for me. There are much crazier stories out there for sure. There are a lot scarier birth stories out there for sure. But my story with my daughter was really hard on me. 

Looking at this engraving I cried some more. I will never forget the time they called her birth, so looking at this time that is forever engraved on this iPad just took my breath away. 

I was induced with Peyton. 

I went in to be induced on Sunday at 8pm. I started my induction taking misprios. Monday I sat in the hospital super discouraged because my body wasn’t progressing and I was last priority at the hospital. There was a baby born in the parking lot outside and two babies born in the hallway, and I was sitting in this giant birthing room not having any contractions I could feel. 

Monday around 8pm I was put on pitocin. 

Around 9:30pm my doctor broke my water. 

By 11pm contractions were hitting me like a brick wall and I was struggling and asked my nurse where my epidural was, and by the look on her face I knew I wasn’t going to get one. 

Around 11:50pm I started pushing. 

Around 12:12am I pushed Peyton’s head out and my doctor started calling for help, Caleb was pushed aside as other nurses poured in and my doctor looked at me and very sternly said, “Kymberly you have to push this baby out right now!” Well shoot I thought I did! I was giving this pushing thing everything I had! Was my body not working? I know I pushed something out, is my daughter dead? Oh my gosh, she’s dead… 

12:14am Tuesday morning, Peyton was fully pushed out and alive and perfect. She had gotten stuck on my pubic bone and the umbilical cord was pinched so there was a risk she wasn’t getting oxygen. 

After she was out, my body wouldn’t stop shaking and was loosing a lot, a lot of blood. I was really scared. 

I couldn’t hold Peyton right away. 

I couldn’t enjoy those first moments of her life. 

I couldn’t control what was happening to my body and mentally I couldn’t take that I had no control. 

I had an amazing labor with Nathan. So smooth and easy. I held him right away for two hours and remember those moments forever. I wasn’t getting those moments with Peyton. I felt so robbed of her first few hours because my body couldn’t get it together. 

Mentally I didn’t recover well. 

For a week I cried myself to sleep because I was so upset I missed so much of Peyton’s first day. 

Tuesday around 7am I lost my vision from another migraine and my doctor ordered an MRI

I slept almost all of Peyton’s first day trying to get rid of the migraine so I could at least see my baby I just had. 

Then I was mentally dealing with getting an MRI and how scary that was based on when Caleb got his MRI and the tumor they found. 

At 10pm I got into my MRI. I thought of Nathan almost the whole 30 minutes. How much I missed him and how I hope I’m okay because I want to watch him and Peyton grow up. 

By 11pm we got results back that my MRI was clean and there is nothing wrong. I truly am just getting bad migraines. 

For this week after Peyton’s birth, crying myself to sleep, not being able to form words for how I was feeling, I was finally able to take a step forward and write a little of how I felt. 

I don’t make birth plans because I know births don’t go how you want all the time. So I didn’t want to have my heart set on a birth plan and it not go that way, and good thing because how my labor started and more of the details I can later share, we’re not in any birth plan I would ever write. But I was not doing well on missing Peyton’s first day. Missing those first moments. Being in so much pain I couldn’t hold her. 

Now I sit here and look at this engraving. 

This time, 12:14am, is forever engraved on my heart. For a minute I thought she was dead. I was so scared with all the help that was coming in and my sweet doctor being so stern with me. This time was the scariest time and then most exciting time. She wasn’t dead. She was perfect. 

This was a very thoughtful gift. I am so thankful. 

xoxo kymberly

Written in August 2016

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That Mom. 

Growing up I dreamed of being a mom. And not just any mom, a great mom. Going through college I learned from experience how to talk to a child in a loving way. I didn’t want to be “that mom that yelled at her kids” or “that mom whose kids didn’t listen to her”. Well tonight I felt like I had stared to become “that mom”. 

I can list all the reasons why my patience is egg shell thin, but those are excuses when I look at them through my sons eyes. 

I might be exhausted and don’t know the last time I slept more than 4 hours at a time. I might be frustrated that every time I get my 5 month old to finally nap, my 2 year old yells at her so she wakes up. But those things don’t matter to my two year old when it comes to how I respond to him. 

My sister-in-law has a quality that I really admire. It might be silly to someone, but it’s what I admire most in her and strive to achieve. She constantly talks to my niece and nephew in a calm tone, and talks to them or tries to Understand why they are acting the way they are. And today is her birthday, so shout out to her! Happy birthday!!

This past week my voice has gotten louder and the phrase, “go to your room” has come out of my mouth more than I strive for.

Am I a lazy mom?

What has happened to what I’ve strived for?

Why am I getting so frustrated and letting that control my attitude?

Oh. My. Gosh. I’m “that mom”. 

I just needed a wake up call. My son is acting out because he wants something. Attention is my guess. His sister was born and for 5 months he hasn’t had me to himself. So soon that is going to change and I’ll take him on some mommy/son dates. 

I need to take a breath before I respond to his acting out. I need to ask him why he’s doing what he’s doing. I have been consistent in following through with what I say and winning the battles I choose to fight. 

I think today it just hit me that what I’m doing isn’t working. I need to go back and stop using the word no. I need to explain more. Nathan is very smart, he can understand what is needed of him and understand that he needs to be respectful. 

Being a mom of 2 little ones is hard. Not because my kids are bad or handfuls, but because my time is never my own and being present with both of them on little sleep is hard. 

But I got my wake up call and tomorrow is a new day. I pray Nathan forgives me for not being my best. Time to lower my tone again and communicate with him. 

No longer “that mom” that I didn’t want to be. 

xoxo

kymberly 

Don’t Judge Parenting.¬†

You know those lovely people that don’t have kids but judge everything you do as a parent? Uh, not loving those people. 

Here’s the deal, if you’re reading this and you don’t have kids, don’t judge those moms at the park, the store or restaurant. You can have all the ideas on what type of parent you are going to be, and how your way is the best way. And good for you, that’s awesome that you are striving to be the best parent, but you don’t have my kids. You don’t know them the way I do. So you don’t need to judge how I discipline or which battles I think are worth the fight. When you have your kids, you can discipline them how you want. You can make all your own baby food, and still go on weekly date nights with your spouse. That’s awesome of you. Also, just a heads up, it might not work out that way. After you don’t sleep for months years, stuff changes and the battles you choose to win, might not be what you thought you would be battling. 

Kids don’t come with an instruction manual. When a baby is born, that baby comes with his/her own personality. That baby grows into a baby that has its own opinion on what foods he/she likes. That baby grows into a toddler that pushes buttons and has to learn boundaries. That toddler also starts sharing his/her interest and showing their personality more and more. And I can guess what comes after toddlerhood, but since I am not there yet personally I will wait to write about it. All this to say, each child is so different. You have to get to know them. Just because they are created from you doesn’t mean they are going to be just like you and have the same interest as you. So getting to know them, you figure out how to discipline them. You learn what battles to fight and ones to just let go. So I don’t need to judge how you parent since I don’t know your kids and I don’t need to see your eye rolls when I am parenting my kid. 

Being a mom is really hard work. Like I have said before, its the best. I was born to do this. It is my dream. And in this dream I am living, I need more cheering on, encouragement, and love rather than judgemental looks and comments. There is no place for that type of behavior. If you do not understand why I am doing something, I would rather you ask me, than make some sarcastic comment about how what I am doing is not right or the way you are going to do it. 

So why can woman not be nice and encouraging and cheerleaders for each other? Have grace on one another and learn from one another. And think before you speak. 

Xoxo

Kymberly