I was very blessed this past week with a super thoughtful gift… an iPad.
When I opened the gift, I cried.
I was then told I had to open the plastic on the box and actually take the iPad out and look at it.
It’s engraved with my name and Peyton’s name. It also contains her birth stats.
Peyton’s birth story is crazy for me. There are much crazier stories out there for sure. There are a lot scarier birth stories out there for sure. But my story with my daughter was really hard on me.
Looking at this engraving I cried some more. I will never forget the time they called her birth, so looking at this time that is forever engraved on this iPad just took my breath away.
I was induced with Peyton.
I went in to be induced on Sunday at 8pm. I started my induction taking misprios. Monday I sat in the hospital super discouraged because my body wasn’t progressing and I was last priority at the hospital. There was a baby born in the parking lot outside and two babies born in the hallway, and I was sitting in this giant birthing room not having any contractions I could feel.
Monday around 8pm I was put on pitocin.
Around 9:30pm my doctor broke my water.
By 11pm contractions were hitting me like a brick wall and I was struggling and asked my nurse where my epidural was, and by the look on her face I knew I wasn’t going to get one.
Around 11:50pm I started pushing.
Around 12:12am I pushed Peyton’s head out and my doctor started calling for help, Caleb was pushed aside as other nurses poured in and my doctor looked at me and very sternly said, “Kymberly you have to push this baby out right now!” Well shoot I thought I did! I was giving this pushing thing everything I had! Was my body not working? I know I pushed something out, is my daughter dead? Oh my gosh, she’s dead…
12:14am Tuesday morning, Peyton was fully pushed out and alive and perfect. She had gotten stuck on my pubic bone and the umbilical cord was pinched so there was a risk she wasn’t getting oxygen.
After she was out, my body wouldn’t stop shaking and was loosing a lot, a lot of blood. I was really scared.
I couldn’t hold Peyton right away.
I couldn’t enjoy those first moments of her life.
I couldn’t control what was happening to my body and mentally I couldn’t take that I had no control.
I had an amazing labor with Nathan. So smooth and easy. I held him right away for two hours and remember those moments forever. I wasn’t getting those moments with Peyton. I felt so robbed of her first few hours because my body couldn’t get it together.
Mentally I didn’t recover well.
For a week I cried myself to sleep because I was so upset I missed so much of Peyton’s first day.
Tuesday around 7am I lost my vision from another migraine and my doctor ordered an MRI
I slept almost all of Peyton’s first day trying to get rid of the migraine so I could at least see my baby I just had.
Then I was mentally dealing with getting an MRI and how scary that was based on when Caleb got his MRI and the tumor they found.
At 10pm I got into my MRI. I thought of Nathan almost the whole 30 minutes. How much I missed him and how I hope I’m okay because I want to watch him and Peyton grow up.
By 11pm we got results back that my MRI was clean and there is nothing wrong. I truly am just getting bad migraines.
For this week after Peyton’s birth, crying myself to sleep, not being able to form words for how I was feeling, I was finally able to take a step forward and write a little of how I felt.
I don’t make birth plans because I know births don’t go how you want all the time. So I didn’t want to have my heart set on a birth plan and it not go that way, and good thing because how my labor started and more of the details I can later share, we’re not in any birth plan I would ever write. But I was not doing well on missing Peyton’s first day. Missing those first moments. Being in so much pain I couldn’t hold her.
Now I sit here and look at this engraving.
This time, 12:14am, is forever engraved on my heart. For a minute I thought she was dead. I was so scared with all the help that was coming in and my sweet doctor being so stern with me. This time was the scariest time and then most exciting time. She wasn’t dead. She was perfect.
This was a very thoughtful gift. I am so thankful.
Written in August 2016