Waterfall Mom. 

It took a couple months for me to get the hang of being a mom. Learning N and what he needed and when. Also to learn my roll as a mom. The selfless part came natural to me. I fell in love with a little baby and would do anything for him. And not that I want to be selfish, but I am learning I need to take care of me also. 
A friend of mine at bible study gave this beautiful picture that I am a teared waterfall. If the very top pool isn’t filled, then there isn’t any water to fall into the pools below. How am I supposed to fill others if I am empty? 
Another friend of mine for months has been encouraging me to find something that is mine again and press into that. Just to really take care of myself all around. If I’m taking care of me then I’m going to be a better wife, mom, daughter and friend because I’m being filled and able to pour into others. 

With that being said, finding alone time as a mom of two is a lot harder for me than a mom of one. I do good being a mom of two. That transition of taking two everywhere and getting them fed, dressed, and naps, with little meltdowns or tears, I do good. A lot of days I’m really proud of myself! But I’ve been struggling as to when to find time to sit at the feet of Jesus and be filled. 

I feel guilty when I hear that other are having this alone quiet time, or coffee time, or even at church when asked if I am having quiet time because it’s so important. I’m not. My day is so busy with little monotonous things that before I know it, it’s 7:00pm and time for baths and bed. 

I love little tips I’ve been told. Or stories of other moms that have had a hard time like me. One mom would put a blanket over her head and the kids knew that was her time with Jesus and they wouldn’t bug her. Another mom had “coffee with Jesus” and her kids left her alone if that coffee was in her hands. Another mom got her time with Christ by doing bible crafts and stories with her kids. 

It is hard to be a mom of little ones and find that time to have for yourself and be filled. Sleep is so important that waking up early is not an option for me when Peyton still gets up 3-4 times a night. So most days I have worship music playing in the house. Then I can stop where I am and sing or dance and my kids love it and do their own thing. 

I also am finding more time this week as my toddler randomly became in love with the movie Trolls. That gives me about an hour once I get P fed set up with something. 

I started doing more bible journaling. I love it. It takes my love of scrapbooking (that I have zero time for) and my need and want to press into Christ and gives me the filling I need so much. I am getting both! Something for me, and time with Jesus. 

I don’t know what I’ll do when Trolls is not a hit anymore haha. Maybe I’ll be blessed and they will nap at the same time! 

I hope if you’re a mom, you find something for you. Something that you love to do and have some time to do it and enjoy it as you go along your day and clean the spot on the floor 15 times and no one notices. I hope you also find a way to sit and breath and take in what God wants to teach you and share with you. And I also hope you don’t feel guilty as I have about not spending quiet time with Jesus. There is grace for us. He knows what we are doing. He sees us clean that spot 15 times! 

Have blessed day! 

xoxo

kymberly

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Digital Citizenship 

After I got married I deleted my Facebook because I didn’t like how easy it was for people to share other people’s photos. I felt like I couldn’t have the privacy I wanted, so I removed myself from it and keptp using my Instagram. I also ask others to not put my kids on Facebook. Some people haven’t listened to me and that’s a big bummer, but I still continue to ask. 

I use Instagram as a memory lane site. It keeps the date and I have a caption and I love to look back at what was happening and when. 

Then I had N and was so in love that I wanted to share him with everyone on my Instagram. He was my 1,000 post. I thought that also was pretty awesome. I was told that his picture made people feel so happy and his smile made them have better days. 

Along with posting N (he really is all I started to post about) I gained more followers of friends that I was currently meeting and friends I met when I was 2.  

Along the way I felt a little pressure to post my son to let others have a smile. I put that pressure on myself and Instagram started to become like Facebook to me. I had to many followers and I had no idea where all those individuals were at in their life. Would they screenshot my son and send it to someone I don’t know? I started feeling uncomfortable so I just started posting less. 

Then I had friends whose accounts would get hacked. So whoever hacked those accounts then also had access to my photos… I didn’t like that. 

Then I read on this blog about digital citizenship and it got me thinking…. I’m really only posting my kids… I have subjected them to social media without their consistent. Am I protecting them the way I want to in this crazy world? 

My mind just kept going with all these negative things about social media. I came to my final breaking point on our family vacation when something personal happened with family. 

I was all done. 

The drive home I deleted almost all my followers on Instagram. I later found out they all were not deleted because I was in and out of service so some people are still following that account. 

I turned my public crochet account into my every day account and haven’t posted about my life. 

It’s been really nice actually. My life is private. I don’t think about how many likes I have or who has liked my photo. I haven’t been asked why I took people off the old one, but I felt like writing about. 

I think I’m leaning to opening a third account (I know, crazy). And in this account it doesn’t matter who is following me because I won’t be posting pictures of my kids. I can go back to posting things I personally am doing besides being a mom, like working on my backyard, or what book I’m reading, or my thoughts. Or I can post about my kids but not portraits of their faces, maybe their cute little hands and what they are drawing. 

And maybe one day I’ll post a family photo, or I’ll change my mind and point of view. But for now, I don’t want my kids out there all over the Internet. And N is already out there for almost 3 years, and P is out there for 6 months. But I can change that as of now and just keep their photos I take close to my heart and spend less time on social media anyways. 

I want to follow my friends. I love seeing when a friend is getting married or becomes pregnant. How they announce things and how they decorate their homes. But with all these reasons that I feel like I should keep my life a little more private, I also don’t want to miss exciting moments others are sharing. 

I’m battling this social media battle inside me. The boundary I should have with it. Where does it come into my life to much? How much should I share of my life and of my kids? When they get older are they going to care that I posted about them or that I didn’t post enough? 

So many thoughts I have. 

Testing out so far, not posting for a month and a half has felt so good! If someone wants to see a picture, they can ask me! I have lots haha. 

What are your thoughts? I’m sure this could look paranoid or maybe not even make sense because it’s my raw thoughts that I’m typing on my phone as I nurse P in the middle of the night. How do you feel about social media and sharing the right amount with the world?

xoxo kymberly 

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