New Dr. In Texas.

One of our dreams came true this month. We got on an airplane and moved to Texas from California. I love it here! I’ve never chosen where I’ve lived before. I’ve always lived where my dad transferred work to, or where Calebs job is at. But here, I got a say. And I love it. I’ll have to share more later.

Because of the horrible event in loosing my father in law, we pushed our move back a week to be with family longer. This meant also that I was a week further along in my pregnancy. I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal, but I was very wrong.

We flew over when I was 27 weeks along, but didn’t get into our house and get our stuff until I was 28 weeks along. I started calling doctors and found that hey wouldn’t take me because I was either past 20 weeks or past 27 weeks. I was in my third trimester so they couldn’t accept me. I started getting super frustrated about it. Am I supposed to walk into the ER then and have this baby in a couple months???

Finally found another office to call, and they accepted me! Took me two weeks of calling places to find one dr who would take me. There were some about an hour away that said maybe, but my kids couldn’t come with me. Not kids aloud. Well my husband can’t take off 3 hours every other week just for me to go to the dr and him watch the kids. He just started at a new office. I don’t understand how they can have so many rules for a pregnant woman who is trying to seek medical care.

Anyways,

I found a nice doctor. He is the first male doctor I have ever had. I have always picked a female doctor mainly because I want to have someone I can open up with and they know what I am talking about. Men and women are created differently. Men don’t experience the hormones that women do, or the pain of childbirth. So I just felt comfort in knowing my doctor had been in my shoes before.

He was very kind. Over all, the appointment was 2 hours and he shared that I won’t go past my due date for sure. But will probably induce me at 39 weeks. Where was this new when I was having Peyton haha. I wanted her out so so bad and I had to wait till 10 days after 40 weeks.

This baby, I want to not have early. I mean it does help that we could have family here and kind of plan when I’ll be in the hospital. But I don’t want to be induced or experience pitocin again. I listened a lot to how he does things, so my next appointment I think I might ask to not be induced so early. Maybe a day early or two days early. I understand I can’t go past my due date because of how big the baby is getting and they don’t want complications. But my experience with pitocin is already giving me some anxiety thinking I would have to do that again.

With Peyton I didn’t get any pain meds to go along with the pitocin. It was just all around bad. So I’m nervous. And I need to just not think about it any more, so I thought I would blog my thoughts out and try to go to bed!

My next appointment I have an ultrasound and they will let me know if the baby is really measuring big. Today my tummy measurement was a couple days ahead. So not that far off. Just days. That made me feel good. I would love a healthy sized baby that doesn’t effect how I have to give birth. I would baby to just come on the due date, naturally. That’s what I would love.

xoxo kymberly

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P’s Frozen 2nd Birthday Party.

Sweet Peyton turned 2 this year! How did that happen already? We got to throw her a super fun birthday party before we moved across the country.

She randomly one day saw Frozen on the TV and was hooked. This was maybe 2 months before her birthday. We were getting our house ready to sell, we were packing, and we were not planning a party for her.

I saw on Facebook a year before that a mom in our neighborhood hired a Princess Bell to come to her daughters party. So I looked them up and they had a Princess Anna available for the date I wanted to have her party and it was the best ever!! Peyton at the time was all about Princess Anna, so she was either going to be super excited or scared haha.

I didn’t do a lot of decorating due to the fact that we were moving out 7 days after this party. My mother in law did a lot of the prep for food and the grocery store, Safeway, made her cake πŸ’—

Princess Anna was at our party for an hour. She did face painting on all the kids. She read the Frozen story and sang! And she sang like Princess Anna! She played hot potato with the kids and taught them how to bow and curtesy. At the end she crowned Peyton as the birthday princess and sang happy birthday. As I started cutting the cake, princess Anna left and after cake we opened presents.

It was the easiest party to host ever haha. I did not have to do a thing but sit and enjoy the kids. I teared up a couple times watching the joy on the faces of some of the little girls. I told the moms that it would be fun to have the kids dressed up, and a lot of them did. The younger kids weren’t to sure about Princess Anna so they stayed in the back of the house with their moms haha.

Cake made by Safeway

Decorations and balloons were from Party City.

Princess Anna painting faces. P got a snowflake and N got a rainbow haha. I am still not sure why he choose a rainbow haha. Funny boy.

Princess Anna playing hot potato.

Princess Anna with my pregnant self and beautiful friend Robyn.

Peyton had so much fun, she was out so fast that night haha πŸ˜‚

The website I used to book Princess Anna is below. We lived in Ca when we had this party, but they are in other areas also.

https://www.fairytaleprincesspartiesdfw.com/

xoxo kymberly

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Book Review of “In the Middle of the Mess” by Sheila Walsh

I set a goal to read 12 books in the year of 2018. Between my bible studies and books that I have collected, I thought it would be an easy goal. Well it’s September and I just finished my first book of the year! I’m half way done with a handful of books, but then I move on to another. None of the books I have are stories to get lost in. They are all books I hope to learn something from. Parenting, praying, how to be a Godly wife…. so good but I stop my parenting book and pick up my wife book if there’s an argument in my marriage. And that’s why none are finished haha. Anyone else??? πŸ™‹πŸ»πŸ™‹πŸ»

My mom has gifted me a lot of books. She gets one for her and one for me. This was one of them.

I have seen Sheila Walsh speak at Women of Faith years ago in California with some amazing friends. I did not know her whole story.

This book had me in tears in some chapters and nodding my head, “yes sister, preach!”, in other chapters!

We all have a story. There is mess in ALL of our stories. I have not struggled with mental health issues or suicide. This book had a lot of encouragement for women (and men I’m sure) that deal with that struggle. It’s her struggle so she speaks right to it. She wants others to know they are not alone because she is with them.

She talks about her mom dying. I can’t really ever picture my mom dying. I just want to live in the world where that never happens. But watching my husband just recently loose his dad 7 weeks ago, it brought up some personal tears.

I love how she concluded the book. Encouraging us all to share our stories. If we don’t share our stories, how will we ever be able to comfort someone else in our same shoes? Also by hiding our story and our mess we give power to it. We let it fester inside us and that doesn’t do anyone any good. So let’s band together with our friends and even strangers and share our stories. No one has a perfect story. So there is no shame in your story!

Anyways… totally worth the read. It was 12 chapters. I’m sure some of you could bust that out in a day, but it took me months haha. But I did it! And I’m so glad that I finished this book!

In the Middle of the Mess

By Sheila Walsh

xoxo kymberly

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Grieving a Relationship.

For years I have been grieving this same relationship. And it’s been a very hard process.

The relationship with my dad.

I have written over the past couple years the hurt he has caused me. But a quick summary in case you don’t know the story:

He cheated on my mom many times over their relationship. They started dating when they were 14/15 and got married at 20. But in 2013 he decided to leave my mom for this woman. During this time my mom found out she had thyroid cancer and her symptoms were basically the reason my dad “just fell out of love”. Which makes me wonder if he understood his vows “in sickness and in health”. But whatever.

I was pregnant with N, and my world was crushed. I had dreams of my parents as grandparents and all the fun things that went with that. And then I also felt cheated on too. Because my dad didn’t just leave my mom, he left our family. Not a sorry in smoke of dust as he hurried away to be with some other woman. Which he actually kicked my mom out… had this lady move in… uh so stupid. Makes me mad.

So fast forward to this year. It’s been probably exactly 5 years since his affair started. He flew to Texas to help us move in. We picked him up at the airport and what is on him? A giant black wedding ring. And I instantly was sick. His wedding ring with my mom was a simple gold band. But this black one just reminded me of death.

Watching my husband and his siblings do so much to prepare the funeral for their dad was really incredible. It was the worst time in their lives and they band together and made decisions for their dad. I wish none of them went threw any of that. Their mom was in ICU from the same car accident that killed their dad instantly, so all the arraignments was on them.

I listened and read so many words of how great of a man their dad was. I heard each of the kids speak about their dad and the thoughts and memories they hold dear.

What I’m writing about is not even in the same boat as to what my husband has gone threw.

But as I sat there in the van after picking my dad up, I started grieving. My relationship with my dad is done. When he dies my brothers and I will have no part in his funeral. His new wife will.

And to make this all even hurt more, my dad never spoke a word of it. I text my brother and he called me and told me that my dad called him after it happened and told him….. I’m not sure about my other brother, but none of us where there…. was it a, “yay we started our relationship by cheating and ruining a family five years ago, let’s celebrate and get married”? Ugh I feel so sick.

I assume my dad didn’t tell me bc it’s not a secret what I think or how I feel. But how freaking childish and rude.

I literally started hyperventilating in a bathroom from it. And I realized I was just grieving. Grieving the hope that one day my dad would come back to his normal self. That he would apologize and come back to his family. Or even if that didn’t happen because I’m not sure I would ever want my mom to be with him again anyways, at least turn away from his mistake.

I am curious how long he will go before he cheats on this lady…. because I don’t understand how he can leave my mom and his family. And now he’s having his own secret family and he lives in two different worlds. He has time where he sees us, but he’s not himself in those times. He’s not open and honest (granted I don’t want to hear about this new life he has because it hurts me).

It just hurts. It hurts that he created a family and left. It hurts that I have watched my mom be crushed. It hurts that he doesn’t even care. That hurts the most. It hurts that when he dies, I’m not going to get up on a stage and talk about all these good memories like my husband just did for his dad. It all hurts.

I’m very much writing out of emotion and on top of that pregnant hormones. I’m not censoring my thoughts, I’m just getting them out. Trying to write again as a way of processing and letting go.

xoxo kymberly

Season of Grieving

I have always used writing as a way to get my thoughts out or process, but this past year I have kept a lot in and I think it’s the lack of time to truly think and write, and the tiredness of being a mom. I just can’t think of words to even write.

The past year has been a season of lost. The end of September of 2017 is when I was told my baby was going to be a miscarriage. That led into a hard season for me. Being that babies mom for a short 9 weeks was just not enough.

Then the beginning of the year my husband lost a childhood friend to a heart attack at 29.

The spring came and Calebs grandma and grandpa went to heaven only a couple months from each other.

Then this August Caleb lost his dad.

Good gravy, are we done with loss yet? We can’t even process one before another happens!

In all this loss I have had so much to process and I don’t know how I have been able to. I tried really hard to just feel all the feelings in the moment. Let myself be super sad if I need to. Thankfully my kids watch a movie/nap because it’s let me zone out.

Grieving is hard. I’m really over grieving. I’ve done a lot of grieving from people I love dying and I’m so thankful to know confidently each of them is in Heaven.

This last week, I felt like I had to grieve a relationship. This person is still alive but the relationship is never going to be the same. To make this post not so long, I’ll continue in my next….

xoxo kymberly