New Dr. In Texas.

One of our dreams came true this month. We got on an airplane and moved to Texas from California. I love it here! I’ve never chosen where I’ve lived before. I’ve always lived where my dad transferred work to, or where Calebs job is at. But here, I got a say. And I love it. I’ll have to share more later.

Because of the horrible event in loosing my father in law, we pushed our move back a week to be with family longer. This meant also that I was a week further along in my pregnancy. I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal, but I was very wrong.

We flew over when I was 27 weeks along, but didn’t get into our house and get our stuff until I was 28 weeks along. I started calling doctors and found that hey wouldn’t take me because I was either past 20 weeks or past 27 weeks. I was in my third trimester so they couldn’t accept me. I started getting super frustrated about it. Am I supposed to walk into the ER then and have this baby in a couple months???

Finally found another office to call, and they accepted me! Took me two weeks of calling places to find one dr who would take me. There were some about an hour away that said maybe, but my kids couldn’t come with me. Not kids aloud. Well my husband can’t take off 3 hours every other week just for me to go to the dr and him watch the kids. He just started at a new office. I don’t understand how they can have so many rules for a pregnant woman who is trying to seek medical care.


I found a nice doctor. He is the first male doctor I have ever had. I have always picked a female doctor mainly because I want to have someone I can open up with and they know what I am talking about. Men and women are created differently. Men don’t experience the hormones that women do, or the pain of childbirth. So I just felt comfort in knowing my doctor had been in my shoes before.

He was very kind. Over all, the appointment was 2 hours and he shared that I won’t go past my due date for sure. But will probably induce me at 39 weeks. Where was this new when I was having Peyton haha. I wanted her out so so bad and I had to wait till 10 days after 40 weeks.

This baby, I want to not have early. I mean it does help that we could have family here and kind of plan when I’ll be in the hospital. But I don’t want to be induced or experience pitocin again. I listened a lot to how he does things, so my next appointment I think I might ask to not be induced so early. Maybe a day early or two days early. I understand I can’t go past my due date because of how big the baby is getting and they don’t want complications. But my experience with pitocin is already giving me some anxiety thinking I would have to do that again.

With Peyton I didn’t get any pain meds to go along with the pitocin. It was just all around bad. So I’m nervous. And I need to just not think about it any more, so I thought I would blog my thoughts out and try to go to bed!

My next appointment I have an ultrasound and they will let me know if the baby is really measuring big. Today my tummy measurement was a couple days ahead. So not that far off. Just days. That made me feel good. I would love a healthy sized baby that doesn’t effect how I have to give birth. I would baby to just come on the due date, naturally. That’s what I would love.

xoxo kymberly



Pregnancy and Baby Announcements.

I’ve gotten to share two pregnancy and two baby announcements on social media. I feel super blessed to be able to do that. I also should say that I love baby and pregnancy announcements. It is the main reason I check my Instagram. I want to see the cute additions to families and the creative ways that people share their news.

Lately…. These pregnancy announcements bring me to tears.

Its the weirdest feeling because it is not jealousy, it is not that I want to be them and want to be pregnant. In general, I don’t like being pregnant. But I want my baby back. I want that pregnancy back. I want to be in my second trimester.

All these announcements, I should also be announcing my pregnancy.

I should be announcing that we are going to keep the gender a surprise.

I should be posting belly pictures and what movements I’m feeling.

But I’m not.

I seriously feel like everyone is pregnant and due in May. I had to unfollow some people because it hurt to see what I should be posting and I’m not. And it truly has nothing to do with them at all. It has everything to do that my baby should still be here and I don’t know why its not.

Now going into the holidays where I thought I was going to be pregnant and I’m not going to be now. Its so weird. It feels like the fastest 9 weeks of my life.

That week of loosing the baby was the hardest week that I have ever had. It felt like it was lasting forever. Every time I went to the bathroom I was so scared that the bleeding was going to start. I just laid in bed holding my tummy praying and crying out that its heart would start beating again.

And in a blink of an eye, it has been almost 2 months already.

Did that all really happen?

Was I really pregnant for those 9 weeks?

xoxo kymberly

P’s Birth Story

P is 6 months old already!!! I’ve had her birth story sitting on my phone for months and thought for her half birthday I would share her story. 

Disclaimer- it’s a long one. 

July 31st– we had an appointment at labor and delivery at noon to check the fluid and have a stress test done. All the test were perfect and we got an ultrasound that showed us she was still face up. My doctor came and visited us and talked about induction and I told her I didn’t want to wait much longer so she gave us the option of that night or Thursday. I choose that night and we choose 8:00pm to come back after having our last dinner with N and spend some last time as a family of 3. Then start the induction. Because I was 41 weeks and in a lot of pain. 

Went home and spent time with N. Ate some dinner and cleaned up a little. Made sure we had all of our things we would need for the hospital. My mom watched N during the testing and came back to our house to spend the night with him. 

We got to the hospital and were monitored again and spent a little longer being monitored because P was asleep and she needed to move and show more activity before they could start medicine. She moved well and then My doctor checked me, I was 1/5-1 cm dilated. Then got the first dose of misoprostol at 10:00pm. I have to be monitored for the first two hours to see how my body reacts to it. 

Caleb and I walked around a little and I did stretches to try to help her flip over so she wasn’t sunny side up when it came to pushing. 

August 1- Midnight I got a bagel and cream cheese as my midnight snack and then was told to sleep as much as I can. I got put back on the monitors and at 2am I got my second dose of misoprostol. Then 6am I got the third dose.

At 10am when I should have got the fourth dose they wanted to check me first. I was on the monitors and hardly saw my nurse at all. For about three hours I became really discouraged. Caleb went home to hang out with N, there was no tv in my room, nothing was progressing and I had no idea where my nurse was! I just wanted to start having stronger contractions and meet my baby. 

After 1pm my nurse finally came in and talked to me and told me a baby was born in the parking lot. Like this car literally pulled into the parking lot honking because a baby was coming out. Two other babies were born in the hallway. I guess because my body wasn’t progressing, I was last priority. Obviously I understand and those babies needed medical attention and my baby was fine inside my belly. I was just so bummed that I was just sitting in the hospital with nothing happening. That afternoon sometime I got the fourth dose of misoprostol. 

Around 6:30pm my doctor came in and talked to me and checked me. I had effaced well and she could stretch me to 4 cm which was all good signs. She told me at 7 when the shift change happened I would have my own nurse and start pitocin. I needed my own nurse to be on pitocin, and that day of all the crazy babies being born I didn’t have my own nurse to myself. She let me go outside and take a walk before the sun went down and I went on pitocin. So Caleb and I took a 10min walk outside. 

7pm came and I met my new nurse. Around 8pm I got my iv and blood drawn. Then I started on pitocin. 

Caleb found bachelorette for me online and streamed it for me because the labor rooms don’t have a tv which is just crazy to me! 

I decided I wanted to walk around while I could. So we did laps around the hospital as the pitocin started to make my contractions progress. On one of those laps we ran into my doctor who asked me if I wanted her to break my water. She said its up to me, she has to preform a csection with the anitheologist and then she’s ready for me to have my baby. So I decided to have her break my water. 

She checked me before she broke my water. I was almost fully effaced and could be stretched to 4cm which was good but I was still positior. 

She broke the water. So weird to feel my water break. I didn’t feel it break with N so that was new to me. 

Water was green so she told us what that meant. She told Caleb he couldn’t cut the cord (he didn’t want to anyways) because they would need to check her right away to make sure she didn’t swallow  any poop. 

I walked around the hospital more till a contraction hit that were just to much for me. 

I went and laid in bed to relax as contractions got stronger and wait for my epidural. My one “birth plan” that I wanted. 

The nurse and Doctor helped me breath threw contractions. I just wanted to tighten my body and hold my breath. So I focused on their eyes and copied their breathing as Caleb held a heat pack against my back and I laid on my right side. 

I remember thinking this is what dying feels like. So painful. 

I don’t remember what story exactly my doctor started telling me trying to get my mind off the pain, but it was in the Bible. She is an incredible doctor. I had her trying to encourage me with stories from the Bible and Friends streaming on Caleb’s ipad next to me. Anything to try and distract my mind. 

I was told my epidural would come at midnight so I only needed to get threw a handful of contractions. 

Then I felt something happen in my body and told my dr something was coming out of me. 

She hopped on my bed and checked me and said “we’re having a baby now!” I remember thinking, “no no no, I’m supposed to have an epidural!” I guess it was the bloody snow that I felt. 

I am not sure really what happened during those ten minutes. It all happened so fast! So fast, that I was laying on my back with the bed laying flat and my doctor on the bed with me, kneeling in between my legs. So fast that the bottom part of the bed didn’t come off, I didn’t recline up like how I was with N, it was so crazy to have my doctor on the bed with me! 

Pushing…. Oh. My. Gosh. That was the most PAINFUL thing. It was burning me. And remember, I did this before, but had half an epidural and wasn’t on pitocin. 

I screamed. Like bloody murder screamed. Every push I screamed so my neighbors in Italy could hear that my daughter was being born (I live in California). 

I pushed her head out and then my doctor had the nurse call on the phone for ctons of people to come in as back up. 

P’s shoulder got stuck against my pubic bone. My doctor (still on the bed with me) leaned over my legs so she was super close to my face, (in my view she was on top of me, as I was laying on my back) and said, “Kymberly, you have to push her out NOW” um what the heck? What do you think all those screams are for, kicks and giggles??! I’ve been pushing my hardest. I’m scared to push any harder. And just like that fear over took me even more. 

What was wrong?

What made my fun, kind doctor so serious?

Was P alive?

Then I looked to my left at caleb, who was pushed aside by all the people called in as back up and he didn’t look good to me. I had no idea what was going on.  

So I pushed. I pushed with my heart that time to get her out. 

And out she went. 12:14am (Caleb says she was born sooner but how crazy everything was, they didn’t look at the time). 

She was quickly taken to get cleaned up and make sure she didn’t break any bones when she was stuck. Because she got stuck on my pubic bone she was at risk of having her collar bone shattered and shoulder issues. She was perfect! And she didn’t swallow any poop! 

I also learned as they were cleaning her up, that the umbilical cord got pinched when she got stuck. So the reason my doctor told me I needed to push her out now is because they were afraid that she wasn’t getting any oxygen. Even though it was pinched, they didn’t see any sign that she missed any breaths when they examed her! 

I couldn’t focus on anything because my body would not calm down. They couldn’t get me to stop bleeding. I was FREEZING! And couldn’t stop shaking. They put tons of hot blankets on me and still I was so cold. It was horrible. The pain didn’t end when my baby came out. 

They wanted me to hold P and I couldn’t. I asked Caleb to, because my body was not my own at that moment. I felt completely out of control. I hated it. I feel like I missed out on so much!! 

By 2 am the bleeding had stopped. They ended up giving me medicine to clot my blood so it didn’t keep pouring out of me. We got a family picture from one of my amazing nurses. And I got to really hold P.

It was time to sleep and I couldn’t. I ended up holding her in bed with me because I had no idea what just happened and wanted her close to me. 

She was perfect. I didn’t sleep that night. I just listened to her breath and prayed over her. 

What a crazy couple of hours for me. My body has never been through that much pain and I’ve never felt so out of control. But man was she worth it!!! 



A Time Forever Stamped In My Heart. 

I was very blessed this past week with a super thoughtful gift… an iPad. 

When I opened the gift, I cried. 

I was then told I had to open the plastic on the box and actually take the iPad out and look at it. 

It’s engraved with my name and Peyton’s name. It also contains her birth stats. 

Peyton’s birth story is crazy for me. There are much crazier stories out there for sure. There are a lot scarier birth stories out there for sure. But my story with my daughter was really hard on me. 

Looking at this engraving I cried some more. I will never forget the time they called her birth, so looking at this time that is forever engraved on this iPad just took my breath away. 

I was induced with Peyton. 

I went in to be induced on Sunday at 8pm. I started my induction taking misprios. Monday I sat in the hospital super discouraged because my body wasn’t progressing and I was last priority at the hospital. There was a baby born in the parking lot outside and two babies born in the hallway, and I was sitting in this giant birthing room not having any contractions I could feel. 

Monday around 8pm I was put on pitocin. 

Around 9:30pm my doctor broke my water. 

By 11pm contractions were hitting me like a brick wall and I was struggling and asked my nurse where my epidural was, and by the look on her face I knew I wasn’t going to get one. 

Around 11:50pm I started pushing. 

Around 12:12am I pushed Peyton’s head out and my doctor started calling for help, Caleb was pushed aside as other nurses poured in and my doctor looked at me and very sternly said, “Kymberly you have to push this baby out right now!” Well shoot I thought I did! I was giving this pushing thing everything I had! Was my body not working? I know I pushed something out, is my daughter dead? Oh my gosh, she’s dead… 

12:14am Tuesday morning, Peyton was fully pushed out and alive and perfect. She had gotten stuck on my pubic bone and the umbilical cord was pinched so there was a risk she wasn’t getting oxygen. 

After she was out, my body wouldn’t stop shaking and was loosing a lot, a lot of blood. I was really scared. 

I couldn’t hold Peyton right away. 

I couldn’t enjoy those first moments of her life. 

I couldn’t control what was happening to my body and mentally I couldn’t take that I had no control. 

I had an amazing labor with Nathan. So smooth and easy. I held him right away for two hours and remember those moments forever. I wasn’t getting those moments with Peyton. I felt so robbed of her first few hours because my body couldn’t get it together. 

Mentally I didn’t recover well. 

For a week I cried myself to sleep because I was so upset I missed so much of Peyton’s first day. 

Tuesday around 7am I lost my vision from another migraine and my doctor ordered an MRI

I slept almost all of Peyton’s first day trying to get rid of the migraine so I could at least see my baby I just had. 

Then I was mentally dealing with getting an MRI and how scary that was based on when Caleb got his MRI and the tumor they found. 

At 10pm I got into my MRI. I thought of Nathan almost the whole 30 minutes. How much I missed him and how I hope I’m okay because I want to watch him and Peyton grow up. 

By 11pm we got results back that my MRI was clean and there is nothing wrong. I truly am just getting bad migraines. 

For this week after Peyton’s birth, crying myself to sleep, not being able to form words for how I was feeling, I was finally able to take a step forward and write a little of how I felt. 

I don’t make birth plans because I know births don’t go how you want all the time. So I didn’t want to have my heart set on a birth plan and it not go that way, and good thing because how my labor started and more of the details I can later share, we’re not in any birth plan I would ever write. But I was not doing well on missing Peyton’s first day. Missing those first moments. Being in so much pain I couldn’t hold her. 

Now I sit here and look at this engraving. 

This time, 12:14am, is forever engraved on my heart. For a minute I thought she was dead. I was so scared with all the help that was coming in and my sweet doctor being so stern with me. This time was the scariest time and then most exciting time. She wasn’t dead. She was perfect. 

This was a very thoughtful gift. I am so thankful. 

xoxo kymberly

Written in August 2016


The Honest Company. 

So to start this off I want to say that I am NOT an organic mommy or person. But over the last year I have slowly came to love the Honest Company. 

Although I’m not an organic person, I really love the idea of having a son and daughter with such sensitive skin have an option of using pure products. I still try a small amount of everything on them to see if they have a reaction, and so far not one reaction to this brand. I feel good knowing there are so many different products that I can choose from in this brand and there won’t be a rash breakout. 

Do you guys use The Honest Company? 

I honestly feel that their diapers are over priced to just throw away. I bought a box on clearence once to try them out. They worked real well but I wasn’t more impressed with them than I was Pampers. Although the Honest diapers are pretty cute! 

The wipes are nice! I like them a lot. In all honesty I feel the same as I do with the diapers. They go in the trash so fast and I don’t find them more impressive than pampers sensitive wipes or huggies wipes. 

With the diapers and wipes, if we had more money then I would buy them. But being on a good budget, I rest easy using Pampers. 

I’ve gone threw a full bottle of shampoo and body wash on Nathan already and really liked it! So I got a two pack combo at Costco. I don’t know how it does with long hair, but they do sell conditioner! I also like that it can make a bubble bath! 

The diaper rash cream I bought because I started reading some negative things about Desitin and there wasn’t a huge price difference between the two. It works really well! It settles in its packaging, so I have to shake it up so when I go to use it cream comes out and not just oil. Unfortantly Peyton gets really bad diaper rashes and this doesn’t clear them up. So I do have to use Desitin for the first couple diapers to help her rash and then I can use this after to finish the healing of her poor little bottom. 

The healing balm is amazing! I actually cut my big Prego belly with the end of the diaper rash cream really bad. I put some of the healing cream on it and it fused the cut together with out scabbing! I’ve used it on Nathan a lot with all the scrapes he gets! I also love this because I was told to not use Neosporen on a child under two. So this is the perfect cream for a busy young toddler!

The hand sanitizer spray I’m really excited about. I just recently added this to my collection of the brand, and Nathan loves it way more than me using baby wipes to wipe his hands all the time! It dries really quickly. 

The face and body lotion I like because of the face part. I feel like sometimes Nathan’s face can feel dry and I don’t want to put body lotion on his face! So I love having this option to go to! And the lavender smell on babies is amazing! I do admit that I like the lavender Johnson&Johnson smell the best, but unfortantly Peyton broke out in a rash when I put it on her. The Honest Co. doesn’t give her a rash. 

The baby oil is amazing. I love the pump dispenser and how easy it is to use. I don’t like when oils are messy and this bottle makes it very easy and clean to use/apply. It is expensive for baby oil. Compared to Johnson&Johnson, it is expensive. Peyton broke out in a small rash when I used Johnson&Johnson baby oil on her. I use baby oil for her cradle cap. Works really well! 
What are your thoughts and favorite brands?! 

xoxo kymberly


Coming Up For Air. 

Right now I have both my kids napping. The youngest is slowly waking up, or I would go take a nap also. Today I felt like I needed to use my spare five minutes to write. 

Today I broke. I got to the breaking point from the hectic last few weeks and broke. I just cried as I made Nathan’s lunch. 

I’m so tired. 

And in the exhaustion I can’t think clearly. 

Peyton is 6 weeks old and from the moment she was born she has had something going on with her. Nothing serious, but enough to have prescriptions or X-rays taken. Every week it’s something new and normally the things overlap to where I’m not getting a break to see her fully healthy. I have told some friends that I’m ready for her to be about 6 months old. Out of the newborn age so there is more options on ways to help her out. 

Nathan is 2. He doesn’t like to listen. It drives me insane and to keep from losing my cool, I have to remind myself that he is only two, he just had a new sister, mommy isn’t focused only on him, and we just moved to a new house. He has a lot going on in his little life! 

But today I took about an hour getting Peyton to sleep. I put her down and Nathan ran and slammed the door shut. I was so mad. So mad. It woke her up. I told him for the first time to go to his room. I needed a break. He cried for maybe 4 minutes until he found his 5,687 toys and played. I put Peyton back to sleep and made his lunch. Then tears just fell and I cried a couple minutes to a friend. 

What is this rash Peyton has now? How can I help her? Is it serious? Should I take her to the doctor? Is she okay? Am I crazy? Because I’m so tired, I can’t think clearly. I am mentally and physically exhausted. I find myself praying all day that Peyton is completely healed, for peace in my heart and wisdom. No more contacting her doctor or asking my mom friends the same questions over and over from their experiences. 

I just need to come up for some air. I have been living under a rock trying to figure this all out. Our new home, a wife, mom of two, a sister, and still being a friend to others. 

I’ve had a lot of people ask to help me, and I have taken help from a good amount of amazing women in my life. So thankful for them. But even after they leave or I get off the phone with them, I’m exhausted. 

I learned my worst fear isn’t necessarily bad health, it’s my kids having something wrong and I don’t have the wisdom to know what to do and it becomes worse. 

Crying today helped me. Sitting in silence right now is also helpful. Writing is therapeutic for me. I felt like I came up for air a little today. I actually threw up my hands and said I can’t carry all this. Such a crazy season right now and I am praying I have the right perspective to enjoy the moment because I know this time will go fast. I think I just need to come up for air a little more often and rest in the peace of Christ. 

xoxo kymberly


In Five Years. 

I love having two kiddos around me every day. My heart is so full! My body is so tired haha. I posted on Instagram a few weeks ago this photo. I feel like it’s so true for me in every part of my life!

“I’ll text you back in five years” 

“I’ll call you back in five years” 

“I’ll see you in about five years, unless you’re at the same store as me” 

“I’ll write a blog post in five years” 

haha… but I know I’m prioritizing and putting my kids first and my phone way down on the list. 

So maybe in less than five years I’ll be able to share all my thoughts I have quickly wrote down and hopefully don’t forget to share one day!