Pregnancy and Baby Announcements.

I’ve gotten to share two pregnancy and two baby announcements on social media. I feel super blessed to be able to do that. I also should say that I love baby and pregnancy announcements. It is the main reason I check my Instagram. I want to see the cute additions to families and the creative ways that people share their news.

Lately…. These pregnancy announcements bring me to tears.

Its the weirdest feeling because it is not jealousy, it is not that I want to be them and want to be pregnant. In general, I don’t like being pregnant. But I want my baby back. I want that pregnancy back. I want to be in my second trimester.

All these announcements, I should also be announcing my pregnancy.

I should be announcing that we are going to keep the gender a surprise.

I should be posting belly pictures and what movements I’m feeling.

But I’m not.

I seriously feel like everyone is pregnant and due in May. I had to unfollow some people because it hurt to see what I should be posting and I’m not. And it truly has nothing to do with them at all. It has everything to do that my baby should still be here and I don’t know why its not.

Now going into the holidays where I thought I was going to be pregnant and I’m not going to be now. Its so weird. It feels like the fastest 9 weeks of my life.

That week of loosing the baby was the hardest week that I have ever had. It felt like it was lasting forever. Every time I went to the bathroom I was so scared that the bleeding was going to start. I just laid in bed holding my tummy praying and crying out that its heart would start beating again.

And in a blink of an eye, it has been almost 2 months already.

Did that all really happen?

Was I really pregnant for those 9 weeks?

xoxo kymberly

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P’s Birth Story

P is 6 months old already!!! I’ve had her birth story sitting on my phone for months and thought for her half birthday I would share her story. 

Disclaimer- it’s a long one. 

July 31st– we had an appointment at labor and delivery at noon to check the fluid and have a stress test done. All the test were perfect and we got an ultrasound that showed us she was still face up. My doctor came and visited us and talked about induction and I told her I didn’t want to wait much longer so she gave us the option of that night or Thursday. I choose that night and we choose 8:00pm to come back after having our last dinner with N and spend some last time as a family of 3. Then start the induction. Because I was 41 weeks and in a lot of pain. 

Went home and spent time with N. Ate some dinner and cleaned up a little. Made sure we had all of our things we would need for the hospital. My mom watched N during the testing and came back to our house to spend the night with him. 

We got to the hospital and were monitored again and spent a little longer being monitored because P was asleep and she needed to move and show more activity before they could start medicine. She moved well and then My doctor checked me, I was 1/5-1 cm dilated. Then got the first dose of misoprostol at 10:00pm. I have to be monitored for the first two hours to see how my body reacts to it. 


Caleb and I walked around a little and I did stretches to try to help her flip over so she wasn’t sunny side up when it came to pushing. 

August 1- Midnight I got a bagel and cream cheese as my midnight snack and then was told to sleep as much as I can. I got put back on the monitors and at 2am I got my second dose of misoprostol. Then 6am I got the third dose.

At 10am when I should have got the fourth dose they wanted to check me first. I was on the monitors and hardly saw my nurse at all. For about three hours I became really discouraged. Caleb went home to hang out with N, there was no tv in my room, nothing was progressing and I had no idea where my nurse was! I just wanted to start having stronger contractions and meet my baby. 


After 1pm my nurse finally came in and talked to me and told me a baby was born in the parking lot. Like this car literally pulled into the parking lot honking because a baby was coming out. Two other babies were born in the hallway. I guess because my body wasn’t progressing, I was last priority. Obviously I understand and those babies needed medical attention and my baby was fine inside my belly. I was just so bummed that I was just sitting in the hospital with nothing happening. That afternoon sometime I got the fourth dose of misoprostol. 

Around 6:30pm my doctor came in and talked to me and checked me. I had effaced well and she could stretch me to 4 cm which was all good signs. She told me at 7 when the shift change happened I would have my own nurse and start pitocin. I needed my own nurse to be on pitocin, and that day of all the crazy babies being born I didn’t have my own nurse to myself. She let me go outside and take a walk before the sun went down and I went on pitocin. So Caleb and I took a 10min walk outside. 

7pm came and I met my new nurse. Around 8pm I got my iv and blood drawn. Then I started on pitocin. 

Caleb found bachelorette for me online and streamed it for me because the labor rooms don’t have a tv which is just crazy to me! 

I decided I wanted to walk around while I could. So we did laps around the hospital as the pitocin started to make my contractions progress. On one of those laps we ran into my doctor who asked me if I wanted her to break my water. She said its up to me, she has to preform a csection with the anitheologist and then she’s ready for me to have my baby. So I decided to have her break my water. 

She checked me before she broke my water. I was almost fully effaced and could be stretched to 4cm which was good but I was still positior. 

She broke the water. So weird to feel my water break. I didn’t feel it break with N so that was new to me. 

Water was green so she told us what that meant. She told Caleb he couldn’t cut the cord (he didn’t want to anyways) because they would need to check her right away to make sure she didn’t swallow  any poop. 

I walked around the hospital more till a contraction hit that were just to much for me. 

I went and laid in bed to relax as contractions got stronger and wait for my epidural. My one “birth plan” that I wanted. 

The nurse and Doctor helped me breath threw contractions. I just wanted to tighten my body and hold my breath. So I focused on their eyes and copied their breathing as Caleb held a heat pack against my back and I laid on my right side. 

I remember thinking this is what dying feels like. So painful. 

I don’t remember what story exactly my doctor started telling me trying to get my mind off the pain, but it was in the Bible. She is an incredible doctor. I had her trying to encourage me with stories from the Bible and Friends streaming on Caleb’s ipad next to me. Anything to try and distract my mind. 

I was told my epidural would come at midnight so I only needed to get threw a handful of contractions. 

Then I felt something happen in my body and told my dr something was coming out of me. 

She hopped on my bed and checked me and said “we’re having a baby now!” I remember thinking, “no no no, I’m supposed to have an epidural!” I guess it was the bloody snow that I felt. 

I am not sure really what happened during those ten minutes. It all happened so fast! So fast, that I was laying on my back with the bed laying flat and my doctor on the bed with me, kneeling in between my legs. So fast that the bottom part of the bed didn’t come off, I didn’t recline up like how I was with N, it was so crazy to have my doctor on the bed with me! 

Pushing…. Oh. My. Gosh. That was the most PAINFUL thing. It was burning me. And remember, I did this before, but had half an epidural and wasn’t on pitocin. 

I screamed. Like bloody murder screamed. Every push I screamed so my neighbors in Italy could hear that my daughter was being born (I live in California). 

I pushed her head out and then my doctor had the nurse call on the phone for ctons of people to come in as back up. 

P’s shoulder got stuck against my pubic bone. My doctor (still on the bed with me) leaned over my legs so she was super close to my face, (in my view she was on top of me, as I was laying on my back) and said, “Kymberly, you have to push her out NOW” um what the heck? What do you think all those screams are for, kicks and giggles??! I’ve been pushing my hardest. I’m scared to push any harder. And just like that fear over took me even more. 

What was wrong?

What made my fun, kind doctor so serious?

Was P alive?

Then I looked to my left at caleb, who was pushed aside by all the people called in as back up and he didn’t look good to me. I had no idea what was going on.  

So I pushed. I pushed with my heart that time to get her out. 

And out she went. 12:14am (Caleb says she was born sooner but how crazy everything was, they didn’t look at the time). 

She was quickly taken to get cleaned up and make sure she didn’t break any bones when she was stuck. Because she got stuck on my pubic bone she was at risk of having her collar bone shattered and shoulder issues. She was perfect! And she didn’t swallow any poop! 

I also learned as they were cleaning her up, that the umbilical cord got pinched when she got stuck. So the reason my doctor told me I needed to push her out now is because they were afraid that she wasn’t getting any oxygen. Even though it was pinched, they didn’t see any sign that she missed any breaths when they examed her! 

I couldn’t focus on anything because my body would not calm down. They couldn’t get me to stop bleeding. I was FREEZING! And couldn’t stop shaking. They put tons of hot blankets on me and still I was so cold. It was horrible. The pain didn’t end when my baby came out. 

They wanted me to hold P and I couldn’t. I asked Caleb to, because my body was not my own at that moment. I felt completely out of control. I hated it. I feel like I missed out on so much!! 

By 2 am the bleeding had stopped. They ended up giving me medicine to clot my blood so it didn’t keep pouring out of me. We got a family picture from one of my amazing nurses. And I got to really hold P.


It was time to sleep and I couldn’t. I ended up holding her in bed with me because I had no idea what just happened and wanted her close to me. 

She was perfect. I didn’t sleep that night. I just listened to her breath and prayed over her. 

What a crazy couple of hours for me. My body has never been through that much pain and I’ve never felt so out of control. But man was she worth it!!! 

xoxo 

kymberly 

A Time Forever Stamped In My Heart. 

I was very blessed this past week with a super thoughtful gift… an iPad. 

When I opened the gift, I cried. 

I was then told I had to open the plastic on the box and actually take the iPad out and look at it. 

It’s engraved with my name and Peyton’s name. It also contains her birth stats. 

Peyton’s birth story is crazy for me. There are much crazier stories out there for sure. There are a lot scarier birth stories out there for sure. But my story with my daughter was really hard on me. 

Looking at this engraving I cried some more. I will never forget the time they called her birth, so looking at this time that is forever engraved on this iPad just took my breath away. 

I was induced with Peyton. 

I went in to be induced on Sunday at 8pm. I started my induction taking misprios. Monday I sat in the hospital super discouraged because my body wasn’t progressing and I was last priority at the hospital. There was a baby born in the parking lot outside and two babies born in the hallway, and I was sitting in this giant birthing room not having any contractions I could feel. 

Monday around 8pm I was put on pitocin. 

Around 9:30pm my doctor broke my water. 

By 11pm contractions were hitting me like a brick wall and I was struggling and asked my nurse where my epidural was, and by the look on her face I knew I wasn’t going to get one. 

Around 11:50pm I started pushing. 

Around 12:12am I pushed Peyton’s head out and my doctor started calling for help, Caleb was pushed aside as other nurses poured in and my doctor looked at me and very sternly said, “Kymberly you have to push this baby out right now!” Well shoot I thought I did! I was giving this pushing thing everything I had! Was my body not working? I know I pushed something out, is my daughter dead? Oh my gosh, she’s dead… 

12:14am Tuesday morning, Peyton was fully pushed out and alive and perfect. She had gotten stuck on my pubic bone and the umbilical cord was pinched so there was a risk she wasn’t getting oxygen. 

After she was out, my body wouldn’t stop shaking and was loosing a lot, a lot of blood. I was really scared. 

I couldn’t hold Peyton right away. 

I couldn’t enjoy those first moments of her life. 

I couldn’t control what was happening to my body and mentally I couldn’t take that I had no control. 

I had an amazing labor with Nathan. So smooth and easy. I held him right away for two hours and remember those moments forever. I wasn’t getting those moments with Peyton. I felt so robbed of her first few hours because my body couldn’t get it together. 

Mentally I didn’t recover well. 

For a week I cried myself to sleep because I was so upset I missed so much of Peyton’s first day. 

Tuesday around 7am I lost my vision from another migraine and my doctor ordered an MRI

I slept almost all of Peyton’s first day trying to get rid of the migraine so I could at least see my baby I just had. 

Then I was mentally dealing with getting an MRI and how scary that was based on when Caleb got his MRI and the tumor they found. 

At 10pm I got into my MRI. I thought of Nathan almost the whole 30 minutes. How much I missed him and how I hope I’m okay because I want to watch him and Peyton grow up. 

By 11pm we got results back that my MRI was clean and there is nothing wrong. I truly am just getting bad migraines. 

For this week after Peyton’s birth, crying myself to sleep, not being able to form words for how I was feeling, I was finally able to take a step forward and write a little of how I felt. 

I don’t make birth plans because I know births don’t go how you want all the time. So I didn’t want to have my heart set on a birth plan and it not go that way, and good thing because how my labor started and more of the details I can later share, we’re not in any birth plan I would ever write. But I was not doing well on missing Peyton’s first day. Missing those first moments. Being in so much pain I couldn’t hold her. 

Now I sit here and look at this engraving. 

This time, 12:14am, is forever engraved on my heart. For a minute I thought she was dead. I was so scared with all the help that was coming in and my sweet doctor being so stern with me. This time was the scariest time and then most exciting time. She wasn’t dead. She was perfect. 

This was a very thoughtful gift. I am so thankful. 

xoxo kymberly

Written in August 2016

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41 Weeks Pregnant Rant. 

I like communication. 
If you don’t communicate how is someone supposed to know how you feel? We can’t read minds. 

I’m not the worlds greatest communicator, but I do try to talk and process and let others know where I stand and how I feel. 

But right now, people are not listening to me! 

Yes, I am over due. Yes, my child is not born yet. Yes, I’m still pregnant. Yes, I have clearly said I’m discouraged some days. How many times do I have to say these things in a day? Can you kind people texting me all day long wanting to know every detail just let me have a small break from these answers? 

So I thought I would communicate to others to share what to maybe not say or really consider saying to an over due pregnant mommy. 

You shouldn’t say:

1. Don’t tell a pregnant woman she looks big. Don’t tell her she looks bigger than her previous pregnancy. Don’t tell her to her face, don’t tell her on her social media picture. 

2. “Enjoy your sleep now!” That’s not comforting. And if that over due mama is like me, we’re not sleeping! We’re in pain and uncomfortable and would rather be loosing sleep looking at our baby then trying to get out of bed every eight minutes to pee again. 

3. Don’t comment on her swelling if she’s aware she’s swelling. (If she doesn’t know she’s swelling then that could be a bad sign and maybe she should be told)

4. “Is everything okay? Is the baby okay? Is there a reason she’s not here?” Well, it’s normal for pregnancy to be 38-42 weeks and if my Dr. doesn’t think something is wrong, then please don’t stress me out with your questions. I’m super tired and not thinking clearly but now I’m thinking there is something wrong! Thanks. 

5. If you are not close friends with this pregnant woman, there is no need to text her every day asking,  “is baby here yet?????” That is just annoying. Thank you for the reminder the baby is not here yet, that I’m super uncomfortable and it feels like you’re being nosey. And if you are close friends, there is no need to text this because I’m sure if you’re close enough, you will be told when the baby is here. 

6. Sharing stories of your horrible over due labor stories. There’s no need to bring any sort of extra worry or stress to the poor mom. 

7. Tell her how to make the baby come faster with natural induction methods. Because let me tell you, I tried them all, and I’m still pregnant. Now if she asks you about these methods then feel free to share and help her out! But hearing, “oh go on a walk and have sex” is getting super old…

Things that are welcome to say to this mama waiting to meet her precious baby:

1. “Can I bring you anything to eat or drink?”

2. “Can I help you with anything around the house?”

3. “Do you want to get together and hang out, have some fun and make time pass a little quicker?”

4. I wouldn’t every day, but ask how she’s feeling, and if she needs anything. 

5. Seeing if she wants company and just sitting and talking or listening to her talk, dream, or vent. We feel crazy, it’s nice to have that friend we can just be ourselves with and not feel crazy for a little while. 

Being over due is rough for me. I’m in pain most days and I am so thankful today I get to see if the dr knows why. 

So yes, I know I’m a crazy person right now. 

I am not sleeping which makes me physically tired, and emotionally and mentally not on track with the rest of the normal population, but I would really love a break from the, “is she here yet??” Text messages. 

Especially if I have already told you, “I will let you know when she’s born!” 

I found these funny little pictures on Pinterest that made me laugh pretty hard. 

“How about you shut up and go get me a cookie” made me laugh so hard! I feel normal when I read these post and pictures others make! 

Thank you for reading my rant. 

xoxo kymberly

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Prepared Mother?

I think that’s funny.

The words prepared and mother in the same sentence. I mean maybe there is super hero moms out there that are able to be all knowing and prepare for the next day, (I would love tips from them) but I for sure am not one of them. 

It’s hard for me. I am a planner. I am organized. I like having a full calendar, but I love when my calendar is color coded and looks pretty. But most weeks there is a lot of late add ins and a lot of scratched out plans. 

I can’t ever be prepared. 

And this is not new to me. I have a two year old, I learned it years ago with him. Play dates fall thru due to illness. Late to church due to spit up and blow out diaper that needs an outfit change. So many factors that come into play when a little human determines your day that you can’t be fully prepared. You have to just roll with it. 

But I really tried to be prepared for this next baby. 

I looked up as much advice as I could about meal planning and freezer meals. How to prepare a toddler older sibling. What was recommended for the siblings to first meet. And not only siblings, but a big brother is different than a big sister. So looking into advice for toddler big brothers. 

I meal planned two months in advance, wrote hesitant grocery lists for those weeks, packed hospital bags, packed Nathan a bag for who has him during labor, got Nathan big brother gifts, stalked up on toilet paper, coffee, and laundry detergent. I wrote out Nathan’s schedule and his eating schedule for whoever has him when I’m in labor. I tried to do everything that every mom suggested to me. And I tried to do everything that I knew I wouldn’t be able to do with a newborn. Like clean the bathrooms real well, or be make some yummy dinners, or catch up on random laundry items like the rugs and towels. 

Then we found out we’re moving in a couple weeks. 

Well that changes things! 

So now add packing to the list before baby girl comes! Add deep cleaning to the laundry, dishes, and quality one on one time with my main little 2 year old before he isn’t an only child anymore. 

I caught up on my to-do list of cleaning and being “prepared”. I don’t want to come home with a new baby to a messy house! But then another week passes and I’m still pregnant and all those chores need to be done again. The sheets need to be washed, the floor needs to be mopped, the gold fish crackers need to be vacuumed up…. It doesn’t end. 

I can’t be fully prepared for her to be born and come home. 

Yes, all her laundry is done. Yes, her room and bassinet is all set up and ready. Yes, her diapers and wipes have been purchased for a good amount of future weeks. Yes, I am ready for her. 

But as prepared as I want to be and ready as I want to be, every day I am learning more and more that I am never going to be prepared and ready. The chores are not going to be done every week, as much as I stalked up on items, I just found were out of toothpaste, and we might not be fully stalked up on food like I hoped, and that needs to be okay. 

I just got to roll with it. I just need to breath and let life happen. 

It’s all going to be okay. 

xoxo kymberly

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40 Weeks & Discouraged. 

I’ve done this before. Carried a baby for 40 weeks, contractions started, pushing started, baby born. 

God made our bodies as women to know what to do in labor. I know every woman is different, and our bodies are different, and some of us can’t have babies, or our bodies don’t handle labor well. For you, I’m praying for you because I do not have those struggles. I’m talking more in the broad generalization that babies are born every minute, and those mothering bodies know when it’s time to push, when it’s time to contract, and when the baby is out and it’s over. It blows my mind! 

I had no idea how to push when I was in labor, my body took the lead and I followed. I was so amazed by my body that I love my after baby body better than my pre-baby body. 

But I sit here discouraged. 

For over two weeks I have been dilated and effaced, but neither of the numbers are getting bigger that show labor is going to be here. 

I am having horrible symptoms. A couple days ago I got a migraine that took most of my vision for over an hour. I am in a lot of pain most of the day that makes me not want to do anything but lay down. Then at night I can’t sleep, and when I do fall asleep, I get a max 3-4 hours. 

Then add a couple more normal symptoms like heartburn, swelling and living in 113 degree heat with air conditioner that doesn’t work, and you have a not so happy me. 

I am so thankful I don’t have a job outside of the home I need to be present for or that I’m not in school having to study or write a paper. 

I do however have a two year old that is my responsibility every day. I can’t take care of him to my best ability when I can’t see or when my head is pounding. I feel terrible. I feel like a bad mom. I can’t grow a baby and take care of the one I have? 

Why has my body done this pregnancy thing before, and now seems to be stuck on the same numbers? What’s going on here? 

I’m okay with having a baby late, she needs more time, then she needs more time. It’s the pain and symptoms with a toddler that are super hard on me. 

I’m really trying to be positive, or find good moments in the frustration. But truth is I’m discouraged and sleep deprived. 

Have you been in my shoes? 

I’m curious when she’s going to come. When her birthday will be. 

What she is going to look like. 

Until then I’m going to hold on to the truth that God promised me and a friend today shared with me,


God knows what’s going on with my body. I shall not be discouraged. He knows the end and how my body will deliver this baby! I shall hold on tightly to this truth. 

xoxo kymberly

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P’s Nursery. 

Well today’s the big day!! I have officially carried baby girl all 40 weeks of pregnancy! 

With N, contractions started at midnight on his due date and so far with this little one, nothing. 

So to keep my mind busy and not thinking about every pain or movement happening in me, I want to share her nursery. 

I didn’t get to do a nursery for N because we didn’t move to a two bedroom place till he was 2 weeks old. So this was very fun for me. 

Her room is missing two shelves in it, and the curtains. But besides those, it’s all done!! 

The shelves are going to go a over her dresser, above the bow hanger. I have white and gold glittered mason jars with flowers and picture frames to go on those shelves. 

I just went with colors for a theme and did pink and gold. Almost all the decor in her room was made for her! Just love the hearts of my friends that would go above and beyond to personalize her room with such love! 


xoxo kymberly

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